Shto?!

Shto? In English, it means -- rather rudely -- "What?" It's also a common greeting for people in the customer service industry.

Today I tried to cancel the Internet service at our old apartment. We were paid up through the end of August and I had admittedly been putting it off because I knew what awaited me...an earful of "shto"s.

First of all, my roommate got the service installed. So when I had the audacity to show up in her stead (she is, after all, 5,000 miles away in the U.S.) they were utterly confused. "So you're not the person who opened the service?" "No." "You're her friend?" "Yes. Well, actually we lived together." "And why do you want to cancel it?" "Because I'm going to America." "No one else lives there?" "No." "Wait...are you the landlady?" "No. I'm just a friend." Exasperated looks, phone calls, and consultations followed. The snotty blonde in the corner chimed in by making sarky comments about people from the Embassy. Was I missing something? Probably.

Anyway, as I sat there with the all the paperwork and the modem in my hands, the 16-year old boy behind the desk continued to chastise me. "Why don't you have your passport?" he asked. "Well...because I don't need it everyday. It's for international travel." I even tried to make a point by whipping out my Colorado license. He flipped it over and was like, "There's nothing on here I can use." "As if my passport number is useful," I thought to myself. "Americans," was his huffed verdict as he slammed my license back on the table (sidenote: Ukrainians have internal as well as international passports). "Ok," he continued, "Do you agree to pay the 4 hryvnia remaining on the bill?" He was dead serious as he asked this. I think I chuckled when I said, "Sure, no problem. " (4 hryvnia is like $.80.) He repeated, "You give me your word?" Geez, I thought. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Then he printed me off a receipt, which I need to take to the bank tomorrow in order to pay the "debt." He scoffed at me once more and gave me another sheet, with specific instructions about how I need to write a hand-written note explaining the situation -- i.e. that my friend had the Internet installed, passed it to me, and that I now wanted to cancel it. He seemed rather pissed off when he was explaining all this. Then I made things worse by trying to leave the modem with him, because honestly, what do I want with it? He said that I wasn't allowd to do that because "Well, how do I know you're coming back?" The logic behind that one confuses me.

So tomorrow, after I go to the bank, I'll write my note (or ask someone at work to do it for me) and march on back to the kind people at the Internet place with the modem and my passport. Maybe round two will be more successful.